Be Who You Are.....

I recently started reading an online blog that I find very interesting (GOOP.com).  It has all kinds of different information and articles about food, recipes, activities, travel, fashion, etc.  As I was reading along today, I came across an article that cited the following quote:

Be who you are, and say what you feel, because those that mind don’t matter and those that matter don’t mind.  - Dr. Seuss

I found myself spending some deep thinking moments about how true this statement actually is.  Sometimes I feel like I have spent the majority of my life wasting time worrying about what other people think of me, and how I appear to others.  I worry about what I have on when I leave the house, if my hair looks okay and my makeup isn't too dark, how my house looks when someone knocks on the door, how my children behave and what horrible and embarrassing thing they might say in front of someone, how my food tastes when anyone else is going to eat it....  Well, you get the idea. 
 
As a child, I was raised by a mother who spent a great deal of time doing just this herself.  I was trained to think this way and react this way, just as my mother was by her mother, and my grandmother was by her mother.  My mother took this to extremes at times, occasionally starving herself to the point of losing her hair so that she didn't appear to be overweight.  Our house was always clean and vacuumed, our rooms were always picked up, we wore clothing appropriate to the situation, and knew we had to behave.  Whenever company was stopping by, there was always a dessert prepared, but of course, I was not to eat it because young ladies need to watch their food intake.  My childhood tended to be difficult at times as my strong-willed personality warred with my need to please my mother. 
 
When I married, I crazily enough attempted to have the same type of household.  I got up at 4:00 a.m. to make my husband's lunch in exactly the manner that he wanted, with the sandwich pointed the correct direction in the baggie, something I had been corrected on.  I had a thermos of coffee prepared by the time he walked out the door, exactly as he liked.  I made the foods he liked for dinner.  I worried about my appearance to the point of anxiety when we went to any work functions for him.  And I did all of this while working full time, and running two children around to their activities, leaving no time for myself whatsoever.

 

It took me quite a while and some drastic life changes to realize that making a little time for myself should not be considered selfish.  Taking a few minutes to soak in a bubble bath, or sneaking away to get my toes done was not neglectful to my family,  In the long run, taking that time to do something for myself, even if it was just 10 minutes in a quiet room with a book, helped my mood, increased my energy level, and left me with more patience.  The hardest part though was getting past worrying what other people thought when I took this time.  My mother never took time like that, and was very often overwhelmed by the self-imposed responsibility of making sure that her children were involved in numerous activities and were well behaved and that her home was presentable at all times.  She frequently overreacted to the smallest things, and yelled often.  These were behaviors that I did not want to duplicate in my own life, but often found myself slipping towards.

 

Recently, I've had quite a few setbacks when it comes to remembering the quote by Dr. Seuss listed above.  I found myself putting everything I had and every part of me into melding a new family.  Not long ago, my mother made several written comments about how selfish of a person I was because I took piano lessons and had tried to learn to scuba dive, spending both time and money on myself.  I stopped doing things I loved to do, and stopped making time to be with people I enjoy being with because of this.  I forgot my promise to myself to be someone who was more open and available to my children because I wasn't as obsessed with worrying about what other people thought of my life or my choices.

 

With more life changes occurring, I am again taking the time to review my life and my effectiveness as a mother.  I am reaffirming my promise to myself to be who I want to be and say what I want to say, without worrying about offending others.  I am an adult.  I am a mother.  I am a hard worker.  I am a good friend.  I am a fantastic sister and daughter, and a wonderful Auntie.  I have gotten this way in the past few years on my own, making the choices that I think are best for my little family and for myself.  I am not always right, but that's okay.  Life is about making choices and, if those choices end up being bad, moving on and making different and better ones.  Spending my time worrying about mistakes that I have made in the past or what other people think of my choices or my words will not help me make it so those mistakes never happened or even to be a better person.  That will only drag me down, which isn't going to help anyone.
 
Focusing on my children, focusing on myself, and doing so without constantly worrying about what I might say or do in the process of this is my new and worthy goal.  This doesn't mean I won't be embarrassed if someone stops by my home and it's not picked up.  Just that I won't spend the time they are there, and the hour after they leave, stressed and worried about what that person is thinking about me.